Mom's At It Again

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

We Got Snow!

Holy crap! I'm so excited right now! I was just outside and took these pictures...we never ever got snow in Portland! Here? It's before Thanksgiving and we're getting snow...and it hasn't stopped in like half an hour. If you knew how big that was! In Portland, when it snowed it was always mixed with rain and never stuck. I see a snowman in my future. It's going to be so hard to work today.

And ummmm...I think we have a ghost of Christmas past. What the hell is that in the picture with my baby?

Monday, November 19, 2007

I Gots Tagged, Yo

Thanks oodles Franci. No really, I mean that. I'm supposed to tell ya'll seven unknown, and bewildering facts about my little ol self. You should all be on the edge of your seats now.

1. My drama teacher in high school threw a chair at me. Yes, during class.

2. OH OH OH! Speaking of high school...I won third all state (Oregon) for Speech. I wrote a speech on Teen Idols in the Humorous Expository category. I also won lots and lots of other trophies and plaque thingies for Speech and Debate. I lettered in Speech and Debate. I made Speech and Debate my bitch. Ok, you get the picture.

3. I finally got a cellphone a couple months ago...shocking I know. But I love it. It's a pink Razr, and my ringtone is "Don't Stand So Close To Me" by the Police. I just took my Halloween ringtone off today, which was the theme to the Halloween movie.

4. This is harder than it seems...ummmm, my favorite candy is Starburst. The strawberry ones are all mine and if you try to steal one, I will cut you.

5. I'm very anal about the way the trash is taken out. My family seems to thing that an untied bag is ok to throw into the outside can. I, on the other hand, realize that everyone in the house is brain damaged and doesn't understand the proper way to take out the garbage. I mean, what if a giant raccoon decides to ravage our garbage can. That tie on the top can make all the difference. TIE OFF THE BAG, MOFO'S! Shut up.

6. My hard drive is filling up....I have no idea why.

Seriously, people...47 gig's worth of music. I need help...Anyone comments on my Elvis collection and I get to throw large objects at your head.

7. I have never ever seen the Godfather movies. I always make it to that scene in the first one where Brando is sitting at his desk (it's somewhere in the beginning) and he starts talking and I get so pissed off that I can't understand a damn word he's saying, that I turn it off. I need Godfather subtitles.


I'm going to play in the rain now.

Now playing: Olivia Newton-John - Magic
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Stone Temple Pilots Is A Stupid Name Too

It's Saturday (duh)....and I'm looking through my CD collections, coming across bands like Stryper, Whitesnake, Pearl Jam, Matt The Hoople....and the following STP. I'm realizing that there are a proverbial buttload of crappy band names out there. I did a post a few weeks back about Porno For Pyros and how that name was retarded. But they aren't the only ones, they aren't even the worst of the bunch. As if the band names weren't stupid enough, the WAY they arrived at these names is just as stupid. It's Saturday...why not talk about something I love...Music and how stupid celebrities are? Agreed? Agreed.

Let me just preface this with this...I love STP. Always have, always will. Scott Weiland is a smacked out little slice of heaven. Now that that is out there, what the hopped up fuck where they thinking? Rumor has it that a member of the band...nobody knows which one because whoever the brain child was behind this rationale won't stand up and be counted...but rumor has it that a member of the band was really diggin on the STP car crap bottles. Yup, that's it. that's the big story. They liked the way this looked:

WOO! That's hot...let's name our band that...STP. Hells yeah! We're not talking about mental giants here...the majority of the band thought getting addicted to heroin and writing lyrics like "I am smelling like a rose that somebody gave me, cuz I'm dead and bloated..." was a good idea too. As you can deduce for yourself, these probably aren't the guys to go running to for logical Spock like decisions. If you think about it for a minute...Stone Temple Pilots would have been a great name for Grace Slick's band...had she not found the Jefferson for her Airplane. Very 60's Twiggy rock. Groovy baby, yeah. Aztec, myans, drugs, all the pretty colors. Just not the most fitting homage for a quad of cock-rockers writting songs like Meatplow and Sex-Type Thing.

So in conclusion...Scott Weiland is a heavenly little dopehead, who was in a great band with a stupid name that they should have given to Grace Slick...maybe that would have saved us all from We Built This City. Selfish bastards.

Now playing: Biz Markie - Just A Friend
via FoxyTunes

Friday, November 16, 2007

Would You Like A Side Of Foot In Your Ass With That?

Who in the hell's bright idea was PMS? Come the hell on. It's quite the elusive bitch. And it's only getting worse with each passing year. Days like this piss me off...I run the entire gamet of emotions in a matter of minutes. I sit here laughing my ass off watching stupid video's on, and then I'm brought almost to tears when I see a friggin human interest story on the news about how this family is taking care of pets of people fighting over in the middle east, to being totally and completely pissed off to the point of almost slam dancing with my monitor because it won't open the program I want it too, to happy again now because The Cover Girls just came on my media player and I'm sitting here chair dancing. What the holy fuck?!

PMS?! I never, and I do mean that, I NEVER used to get PMS. Ever. I could bleed for a week and not bat an eye. Now, the bitch sneaks up on me and I want to fling my reproductive organs from the tallest bridge. I swear to cheese I just had this like a week ago. Eventually, I'm just going to be one big ball of PMS, all the hormones running together and the man will come home from work and find me in a corner somewhere sobbing over how the monitor hates me, and the middle east is petless, and how much I love really bad 90's girl groups.

However, do you know what makes a day better when it's been a complete Jenga game of shit and hormones?

Tantric activities with Sting.

Know what makes a day like today better when your name isn't Trudie Styler so Tantric activities with Sting isn't an option because of that whole sanctity of marriage thing?

$18 Gourmet Cherry Cheesecake* from your daughters school fundraiser.

Yup it works. In enormously sickening doses it has been known to alleviate any and all side effects of PMS.

I'm giving the Midol an hour to kick in and then I'm flinging my reproductive organs off the porch.

* Side effects include: Stomach ache, sugar high, cherry induced vomiting, selfish gorging, stabby-get-your-own -damn-cheesecake motions and no-room-for-dinnerness.

Now playing: Billy Joel - I Go To Extremes
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner

Why is it that I still cry over a movie I've seen like 10,000 times? How does that work? I sit here, and I know what parts are coming up, and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, and I'm saying the lines along in my head, and then the part comes, and I ball like a baby. Like I need tissue, sobbing, balling, crying. So irritating.

I was just watching Dirty Dancing, and only partially at that seeing as I'm trying to got to the part where Johnny walks into the end of year celebration at Kellermans, and he walks up to her dad and say's THE line...Nobody puts Baby in a corner. I had to turn it off. Know why? Cuz I'm out of Kleenex, and I aint about to be caught with snot all over my sleeves, and big red pothead eyes.

Stupid hormones. No really, this is my FAVORITE week of the whole wide month.


Now playing: Andy Gibb - Time Is Time
via FoxyTunes

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


The hubs and I just recently decided to start watching the Soprano's. Yup, we NEVER watched it when it was actually on HBO. It just never seemed like our cup of tea. I was always a little curious, but never enough to try to watch it while it was on the we started on the DVD's about a month ago. We are already halfway through season 3. We love it. LOVE IT! There IS one major thing that always bugs me about this show though...

The Bada Bing. The strip club they hang at. I spend half of every episode going EW...OMG ICK! DID SHE JUST DO THAT?! I'm of course am talking about those poles. The hump poles. Do they sanitize those things? Or at least wipe them down with that cloth thing? I've been to a couple of strip joints in my 29 years and they always wipe it down...but on the show, no wipe. Seems kind of unsanitary, no? Those girls are wiping their mother land all over the thing...and then the next girl just steps right up, and proceeds to wipe her naughty bits all over it. Ew. Do the girls go back and use some kind of antibacterial coochie wipes? Like Punani Lysol? Someone should invent that. I'd be worried I'd catch skank from that pole.

That and Christopher. He's always cutting that crank like a Benihana chef.

So Christopher and the whole fire-crotch aspect.

Other than those things...great show.

Google should have fun with this one.

Now playing: Shalamar - Dead Give Away
via FoxyTunes

Monday, November 12, 2007

Here's The Story

Short and sweet...ready?

I'm not dying.

I do have a disease with a not pretty name, that isn't life threatening if I take care of myself, and keep my eye on it...and no, it's not diabetes. I'm not giving out too much info, I don't want to. Personal issues and stuff...but thank you to all my most awesome clients who put up with me the past couple of weeks...and a huge thanks to the few of you who sent me emails with good juju. I needed it.

I've got so much to catch up on...ugh.

Thank you, for being there for me. I guess I've gotta foot the bill for the plane ticket now, huh?

Ok...that's all you get tonight. My meds are making me spew patriotic colors and I can't get tub is calling my name.


Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Not Now

I'm having some health issues going on right now that have my brain in a fog....I'm taking a break from this thing for a couple more days. This couldn't have happened in January? I don't have time for this crap right now.

Sorry Nablo...I'll make it up to you next week.

Sunday, November 4, 2007


So um, when exactly should I get paranoid?

1. When I wake up and feel like my innerds are imploding from the "bladder infection" that the doc told me I had a month ago.

2. When I go back into the doc's this morning, take another pee test, only to have him tell me that I don't actually have a Bladder infection anymore, takes a full 5 minutes looking through our notes of my visits...and then just says "Hmmmmm."

3. When he breaks the news that he thinks it's one of two things. A. My appendix is about to rupture. Or B. I have an ovarian cyst.

Just wondering.

I need a hug.


Saturday, November 3, 2007

Yeah, I knew That

Your 80s Theme Song Is:

Parents Just Don't Understand by the Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff
What's Your 80s Theme Song?

You didn't honestly expect a real though provoking post on a Saturday did you? I'm NaBlo inept. Sue me.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Calm Down, Doogie

I hate it when people say that. Not the Doogie part, just calm down. It's like when someone tells me to smile. It makes me want to karate chop them.

"Calm Down"?

People have a tendency to say that when a conversation about something passionate is going on. When I get going, and it's something I feel strongly about, I get worked up. It's passion that seperates us from the monkeys...well that, and opposable thumbs. But if we weren't able to express ourselves the way we do, where would we be? We'd still be sitting in a cave somewhere wondering where Ugh left the Mastadon jerkey.

OH! Know what else I just realized. Doogie Howser was the first blogger.

Know what else?! I like my rockstars gay. I do. The longer the hair, the prettier the face, the more I swoon. Except for Judas Priest...cuz good gawd dayum...when I first heard Judas Priest was gay, I threw up a little in my mouth. But how did we not know? The leather biker duds? All the hot half nekid men in his vids? Turbo Lover? Nuff said.

Heh...don't you love posts that have not one complete thought, rhyme or reason?

Yup, me too.

I like cheese.

Now playing: Phil Collins - Against All Odds
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Dear Self,

Please refrain from watching movies such as The Exorcist, on Halloween, and with all the lights out, prior to bed time. It's not that we don't enjoy being scared now and then, it puts us in that hyper-awake state, and we don't mind it. Really.

That being said...WHAT THE FUCK WHERE YOU THINKING?! The Exorcist?! Dumbass. Everytime the dog snorted last night, we thought the big scary ghost face was coming for us. We were certain we were going to end up in a big pile of sacrilegious goo at the foot of the bed.

Seriously. Green Pee Soup Vomit, levitation, spinning heads....and Mercedes McCambridge's voice....shudder. She must have been gargling with Vodka and gravel. Just consider yourself that shit again and we will stage a coup and you'll find yourself having an overwhelming compulsion to learn the lyrics to every single Enya song...including that shit she did with Clanad. Yeah, we're serious.

Thank You,
Your Self

Sleeping with the light on in the hallway ain't gonna save your ass if the cloven hooved one decides to suck your soul out with a straw. Dick For Brains.

Now playing: Honeydrippers - Sea of Love
via FoxyTunes