Dear Monkey Fucker in the Blue Towncar,

You're car is falling apart. We can all see that. Who the hell are you fooling? You've either blown out the shocks on the back end or your smuggling over immigrants from Guadalajara, cuz that piece of shit was scraping on the ground. You have four unmatching rims on your tires, the "blue" color looks more like a smurf exploded on a Lincoln, and as if I needed proof that you are a total waste of air, you had a license plate frame that looked like barbed wire.

Now that I have your attention, I just wanted to call you on a little mistake you made this morning. You seemed to be having a problem distinguishing between which lane was yours to use. I understand you pay taxes for both sides of the little white line...that does not mean you can use both sides at once. You have to pick and choose. Like you do with your Ho's...at least I'm assuming you pick and choose your Ho's, if your bumper sticker that said "Where's My Money Bitch" is any indication.

Another thing I was a bit confused about is your use of the gas pedal. It seems like you have either a mechanical issue with your fuel injection, or you are just a mindless fuck who can't distinguish between the short fat pedal on the left and the long skinny pedal on the right. Just because your car only operates in slow and stop, doesn't mean you get to sit at the red light and dick yourself for twenty minutes. Also, when after the 20 minutes of dicking I get impatient and I honk my horn at you to get you to move your Ho Wagon out of the way, you decide to stick your big fat hairy arm out the window to flip me the bird, make sure you use the right finger. I'm sure that in Stupid, they use the second finger, but here on Earth, we use the middle one. I'm not sure what you were trying to tell me with the use of the second, perhaps we could discuss this on our next encounter.

Anyway, I just wanted to clear up those few things, I realize your a very busy man, what with the immigrant smuggling, and the ho's and the money collecting and all, but I just wanted to thank you for being a valued part of our community. I'm sure the property values will never be the same.

With all my contempt,
Princess Me