Mom's At It Again

Friday, January 4, 2008

Female Hysteria

As noted yesterday, I'm spending the last couple of days of my vacation from work doing as little as possible...which usually involves a ton of googling weird stuff. Such was the case today when I wandered onto a site devoted to Victorian women and their "ailments". One such ailment, was Female Hysteria. I love how that sounds, I may decide to use it as often as I can in the future. For instance, when asked what's for dinner, I can scream "Dinner?! Dinner?! You insensitive pig! I've got a raging case of Female Hysteria over here!" Or something like that.

The symptoms of female hysteria includes the following:

Faintness, nervousness, insomnia, fluid retention, heaviness in abdomen, muscle spasm, shortness of breath, irritability, loss of appetite for food or sex, and a "tendency to cause trouble"

Us women and our mood swings. The list of "symptoms" for Female Hysteria was so long, that pretty much anything or anyone could fit into the catagory. So, how you might ask would you cure this "deadly ailment" which was almost exclusively diagnosed to women who dared disobeyed their Victorian husbands? The answer was simple. A hefty prescription for a "mid-quarters" massage until the womens reached "hysterical paroxysm.". Yup. The cure to Victorian Female Hysteria was, shall we say, "Renouncing The Queen".

There was this guy named Dr. Swift. And Dr. Swift liked to stick his hand up the womens skirts, and touch their girlie bits. And Lo! We have our cure! No more female hysteria, gents! And to protect the privacy of these torrid women, the doctor would come to your home and perform your little bits massage in the comfort of your own sleeping quarters. How chivalrous of him. Don't believe me? The slick willy advertised:



Apparently, Dr. Swift was getting so many patients requesting house calls from him, that he couldn't keep up with the clientele. And really, what man could....he was basically offering himself up as a medical Disneyland for women. So, he created a device to do his bidding for him.



Alright ladies...all together now:

Thank you, Dr. Swift.

My only question, is why does it show that lady at the top right using the thing on her head? Those silly Victorians.

Now don't say I never taught you anything.

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Now playing: Heatwave - The Groove Line
via FoxyTunes

2 Comments:

At March 24, 2008 at 5:29 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, I'm surprised at not one, but TWO instances of blatant plagiarism in a single blog entry. Any writer would consider that pretty freakin' shameful. Not to mention that you plagiarize FICTION as FACT.

 
At August 20, 2010 at 8:26 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes she did plagiarize here, but where's the fiction? All I see is fact.

 

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