Have You Hugged Your Weiner Today?

There is a plethora of dick in my life this week....and not in the good way. In an entirely disturbing, I need a shower kind of way. Yesterday, in what I thought was a once in a lifetime kind of thing, this homeless dude on the offramp was jerkin it. In a way that I'm sure was hazardous to his health. I've seen less violent wanking in John Holmes flicks. Dude was fierce, and thank the lawd my kids weren't in the car with me. And where the hell are the cops when you need one? Mr. Homeless Wank dude seriously needed to dry out.

Then this morning when I was going to put the mail in the box, this bum-ish looking guy goes walking by with his pants hanging halfway down his legs, like somebody had just interrupted him peeing on the train tracks, and he just happened to forget to pull up his smelly ass old guy pants. Dude looked right at me with this big ol toothy grin, completely oblivious to the fact that his wang was blowin in the wind.

Maybe I'm just really hot this week and the bums just can't help themselves. I have been known to have that effect on smelly old guys with Gin breath. It's a talent, really.

Frankie Valli - Grease