RoxieKennedyGizzyLizzy!

I might be loosing my damn mind. Like fer real this time. I'm a mother (of a teenage girl and a "in-6-days-I'm-gonna-be-10" 10 years old)...we all know that. And as a mother one of my duties is to yell. Like a lot. Not in a mean, Ms. Hannigan kind of way. But in the, nobody in this damn house can hear my voice unless it's the same octave as an air raid siren...kind of way. What is that? I can say something very clearly and in a normal tone of voice to the child and she will look at me like she doesn't have a damn clue what language I'm talking in. It may as well be a series of clicks and grunts. My husband can say the same thing in a normal tone and the kids jump up like their asses were on fire. I have to get to the point where I'm huffing and puffing and pulling my hair out before these little people will respond.

The same phenom applies to my dogs. I say something, the animals hear Charlie Brown's Teacher. My husband says something, and he sounds like a little Doggy Chaucer. The hell? As of late, I've been realizing more and more how completely futile my attempts are. I decided this morning that I'm going to save breath. Instead of talking to each of these little runts individually, I'm just going to start calling out:

"ROXIEKENNEDYGIZZYLIZZY!"

Whoever responds is who I'll talk to. Enough of this crap. I'm a smoker people. I don't have enough air to be blowing in waste everyday. Although I have a feeling, I'll be talking to the dogs more than my children. Cest La Vie. Until I learn the Swahili language, I probably won't be getting through to those little people anyway.

I have a teenager! Me! A Teenager!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Scary iddn't it?