Mom's At It Again

Friday, June 18, 2004

Welcome To Hell!!!

Holy Creepy Christ on a cracker. It's farking hot today! At least in my apartment. It's like 89 outside, but my apartment obviously has insulation made by NASA, cuz aint no air circulating or even getting in this joint. I have both overhead fans going, and they both make UZI noises, cuz I haven't told the front office they have this little moter problem. Nooooo, I thought, I've got plenty of time before the heat hits. HAH!
I did learn a few things today though...for instance, I can get a new free tattoo when the weather gets this hot! Yes I can!!! I just get in my car, buckle up and instant Ford Logo, right there on my hip. Sexay stuff.
I also learned that I can operate a machine weighing half a ton with just two fingers! I can! More than two fingers results in involuntary steering wheel phalange amputation....
And perhaps you didn't know this, but hot water will now come out BOTH sides of your taps, if you live here in the Portland area. The cold water is actually luke warm, and the water coming outta the Hot side is technically now referred to as FUCKIN A...cuz that's what I screamed when I scorched the crap outta my hand.
I'm stuck inside for the remainder of the day...cuz I couldn't possibly go for a walk, I swear I saw a small animal implode out there....and I can't ride a bike cuz besides not owning one, it's just that if I fall off I don't need to worry bout being run over, I need to be more concerned with being cooked to death on the ground.
Oh, and in case you were wondering....Asphalt does have a liquid state.

Welcome to Fucking Summer....Satan has taken the day off in search of cooler weather, so I'll be filling in....BLAAAAR!!!

Listening To: Vixen - Edge Of A Broken Heart


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